How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
