im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
