my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My balls are so social today.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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