This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
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I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
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He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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