I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
