yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
