so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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