Everything about him screamed your future.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There's always time for handjobs
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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