Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
