I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
