you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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