You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
