My friends, they love my intelligence
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
