Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
