so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
