My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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