Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
