glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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