Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
