I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
