I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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