i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
