You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
