I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
