Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
