Pants 0. Shit 1.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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