ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
