with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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