Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Your cock deserves a montage
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
