I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
