Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
