Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
