Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
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He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
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He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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