i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
