Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just want nice things and good sex
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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