sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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