I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
