Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
