that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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