i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
nutella sex= disaster
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
