I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
