are you still at the devil's house?
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
