i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
