We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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