I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
