Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
