its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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