Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
