please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
