Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
