I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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