New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
