I could make wine with my vomit
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
