I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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