I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
