Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
