Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Randomize
