The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
