yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
