alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize