So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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