somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
