I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
