I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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