Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
