So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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