Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
